Wherever You Will Go
by Zephyr5
Summary: The third in my Calling songfic 'album', Rinoa disappears from Squall's life, but has she really gone? Nonyaoi :


AN: Argh! Apologies to those who've been waitin (if there is ne1) for me to get round 2 'memberin the songfic 'album' :o  Fraid I got caught up in my three epics, but, as people who read my bio from time to time will know, I've hit a slight block on Death's Angel :(  Damn muses!  But they seemed perfectly happy to write this, mind u, given the difference in angst level between this and DA, maybe it's a good thing they wouldn't write lol ;p

Disclaimers: Lyrics 'Wherever You Will Go' © The Calling, and FF8 stuff © Squaresoft

Warnings: Um, nope, no warnings, unless ur not a Rinoa fan.  Yep, I actually managed to write a kinda sweet Rinoa, well, one with a bit more common sense!  So, no CD (character death) and no bashing!  

**Wherever You Will Go**

_So lately, been wondering_

_Who will be there to take my place_

_When I'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face_

"Dear Squall,

      I guess you know pretty much what this letter is gonna say…  After all, even Zell has finally noticed that we're drifting further and further away from each other.  I just want you to know that this isn't your fault.  I should've seen it from the beginning, everything was too neat.  The evil sorceress had her knight, and so I had to have his rival as my knight.  The perfect polar opposite, black against white.  Only, really, we were all shades of grey…  Maybe we were destined to defeat Ultemecia together, although I freely admit that it was always you who defeated her, never me.  But I was one of those privileged to be at your side.  Anyway, it is now clear to me that, however fated those events were, we were never destined to remain together…  No matter how great my love for you, it was never returned.  Not truly, and we both know it.

_If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all_

_Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own_

      "Sure, everyone pounced on the fact that I pulled you from time compression as the physical evidence of something that never existed.  They all conveniently forgot that I was, am, a sorceress.  That I could've pulled any lingering soul from the ravages of the fading chaos that Ultemecia had caused.  And I dragged you, though you resisted my touch, back into the world that you just wished would leave you alone.  Only Ellone and I know the truth of what happened to you after Ultemecia's death.  How you travelled too far back, and yet, instead of inadvertently destroying the world, you inadvertently saved it by telling Edea of SeeD.  But more than that, what none of the others can ever know, what the world can never know…  You were never lost in time compression.  You were too strong for that.  Edea sensed it, sensed your intentions, the reason she asked it you could make it alone.

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go_

      "But, I'm not the only one who loves you.  You know that too.  Sometimes I think you know far too much for your own good, your own happiness.  That was why you called out the names of your friends, making sure they were gone, that no one would try and stop you.  You were never lost in time compression.  You wrapped it around yourself like a cloak, hid from the world in it.  And you would have stayed there, died there, content…  That was your penance, your self imposed penance.  But no, I had to ruin everything, and for that I cannot express my sorrow enough.  Not now that I can look at you, really look at you, and see that I didn't pull you from time compression.  All I dragged back was a shell of what you had been, something that looked, spoke and acted like Squall Leonhart, but was not.  

_And maybe, I'll find out_

_A way to make it back someday_

_To watch you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days_

      "It was Seifer, of all those who should have noticed, who noticed first.  Seifer who confronted me, demanding to know what I'd done to you.  He was convinced that I had placed some sort of love spell over you, making you a puppet dancing on my strings.  My dear sweet Hyne, how I wish that was all I'd done to you.  But what I have done is far, far worse.  I can't see the future, I can't see what will happen.  Will you use my leaving as an excuse to end it?  I wouldn't blame you for wanting some measure of revenge against me.  I deserve it.  Or will you continue to drift through life, taking suicide mission after suicide mission… and somehow surviving them all.  I would give anything and everything to be able to undo what I have done, to make it up to you somehow.  But I don't know if that will happen either.  I don't even know if that's possible…

_If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all_

_Then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you_

      "I lie awake most nights, replaying those few moments before time compression that we were alone, searching your actions for any hint of what was to come.  Did I fail you by not seeing the signs?  Did I blindly ignore them, hoping, in my ignorance and love-struck innocence, that I would be enough to fill you after time compression?  Hyne, if anyone deserves to be in the limbo you have made your home, it was me.  My actions endangered you and the others, endangered the world, more times than I can count.  I was wilful and spoilt, and I made it all so easy for Ultemecia.  I destroyed any hope the sniper mission had of succeeding, simply by trying to prove I was better than a team of mercenaries trained for these situations.  My childish temper left my mind wide open, full of gloating thoughts of how gutted you would all be when the girl you had so casually, and so astutely, dismissed outside the TV station in Timber, succeeded in trapping the sorceress before you could assassinate her.

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go_

      "Then I insisted on fighting with you when Irvine joined you to fight her head on.  Why couldn't I see that you had no need of me?  Seifer had bowed before your onslaught, and even the sorceress looked pensive… until I arrived at your side.  She used me without hesitation, aiming all her attacks at me.  And you, you strove to protect your employer.  To your last breath.  You never flinched, never hesitated to step in front of me and let the ice shard, intended for my throat, to pierce your shoulder.

_Run away with my heart_

_Run away with my hope_

_Run away with my love_

      "A veil was lifted from my eyes as I watched you fall from the float, powerless to stop your fall, powerless to help you.  All I could do was watch as you fell to the floor, feeling as if my heart was being torn from my chest, feeling every hope I had entertained shatter into useless fragments.  That was when I began to mature.  When I began to realise just what I had gotten into.

_I know now, just quite how_

_My life and love might still go on_

_In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time_

      "So, now I have matured enough to see that whatever I try to do to help, only succeeds in bringing you more pain.  And I love you too much to wish to see what more damage I could inflict.  That is why I'm leaving, will have left by the time you read this.  It is for the best, that I don't give you or the others a chance to persuade me to stay, for I could not resist, not for long.  I hope you understand, that the others understand, why I cannot stay.  Just know that I will love you forever, and that will never change.

      I love you,        

Rinoa Xxxx  

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go_

"PS.  Don't try and find me.  Seifer taught me a long time ago how not to be found, and my time at Garden only helped me to hone my skills.  Just remember that my heart and soul are yours, to remember fondly or with hatred as you will.  

            Rinoa  Xxx"  

_If I could turn back time_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_If I could make you mine_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

Squall carefully refolded the letter along overused creases.  Almost absently it was returned to the innermost pocket of his jacket, with an ease that spoke of a frequent gesture.  He sighed, staring blankly at the wall of the SeeD cabin on the train.  Ignoring the letter's words, he had searched.  He had searched every corner of the world, but, just as Rinoa had warned, he had been unable to find her.  The last sorceress had successfully vanished from the planet.  Or so it seemed.

Squall stood, swaying easily with the motion of the train as it pulled to a halt.  Gunblade settled securely at his hip, bag dangling loosely from one hand, he strode onto the platform.  Squall's stance snapped to one of expectant alertness as a familiar prickle swept up his spine.  Someone was watching.  He spun around, searching the crowds, but there was no one.  Shaking the feeling off, he resumed the trek out of the station.  He had a mission to complete.

_I'll go wherever you will go_

AN: sappy I know...  still, let me know what u think, and any screaming at recalcitrant muses to let me write DA would be appreciated :)


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